Retro politicians

Listening to the Retro Rock channel on Music Choice, I am startled to learn what is considered Retro these days. Marilyn Manson is "Retro"? Holy shit, who knew. (The kids, I guess, knew.) And there is now "Hip-Hop Classics"... wait, what? Didn't hip-hop start, like, last Tuesday or something? How can there be classics already?

Yeah, aging can be perpetually culturally dislocating and ... sometimes, just plain weird. It certainly provides for perspective and ample opportunities for cynicism and skepticism.

Like, take Newt Gingrich. Please. (My photo is from our recent demonstration against Fox News.) Why do we have to put up with him AGAIN? My father-in-law is going to flip out over the simple fact that he has to look at Newt again, after his beleaguered congressional district was finally RID of his dopey, self-important, narcissistic neocon ass.

Conservative politicians never die, they just get jobs on Fox News.

Speaking of which, Mike Huckabee announced on Saturday that he is NOT running for president, for which small mercies we can be forever grateful.

His blather, however, was something else, all about his HEART and such. (Link to conservative Arkansas blog containing his complete statement here.):

When people asked me what it would take for me to run, I would tell them the same thing—pray for me to have clarity in the decision. I don’t expect everyone to understand this, but I’m a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. That relationship is far more important to me than any political office. For me, the decision is ultimately not a political one, a financial one, or even a practical one —it’s a spiritual one.

The past few weeks, the external signs and signals and answers to many of the obstacles point strongly toward running. When I am with people encouraging me to run, it’s easy to feel the strength of their partnership and commitment to help me to the finish line. Only when I was alone, in quiet and reflective moments did I have not only clarity, but an inexplicable inner peace—a peace that exceeds human understanding. All the factors say GO, but my heart says NO. And that is the decision I have made and in it have finally found resolution. I don’t fully understand it myself—but I’m sure the pundits will.

And the pundits understand that it's really about Huckabee leaving his lucrative Fox TV show (which he would be forced to do if he ran for president) whilst he is trying to build his pricey, nice new home in Florida.

I kept switching back and forth from Huckabee to America's Next Top Model... after engaging in a little herbal refreshment, I started thinking Tyra Banks will probably run for president herself some day. She's far more entertaining than Mike Huckabee!

Rob Zombie is Retro? (shakes head in old-lady amazement)

Garbage television addiction update

Although I proudly bragged in Monday's post about being a bad bitch, goodness mercy, folks... ain't no way I could measure up to the current crop of REAL HOUSEWIVES on the Bravo network. I'm currently watching both the New York and Orange County editions, she admitted, embarrassed. These shows put one in mind of slo-mo trainwrecks; gaudy, narcissistic, hedonistic, expensive, collagen-injected, botoxed, designer-clad, exquisitely-decorated, very thin trainwrecks. On another level, they are one long commercial for capitalism as The Entire Lifestyle, the Alpha and the Omega. (The human flaws, then, are also a manifestation of the lifestyle.)

Unfortunately, this season's bitchitude doesn't reach the mythic levels of RHO-New Jersey. RHONJ was totally in a class by itself, featuring such Golden Moments of Reality TV as Teresa's now-legendary table-flipping routine (even satired on SOUTH PARK), hair-pulling at chi-chi country clubs, psychic-healing by telephone and lots of other suburban fun. The New York/California crowd simply can't measure up to the cheesiness of our beloved Jersey Girls. You could wait all season and NOBODY will pull anyone else's hair, or their weave either. (sigh) Now, the Atlanta gals, especially NeNe, have engaged in some hair-pulling, and that show understands WHY WE WATCH. Don't be tardy for the party!

The one consistent sign of intelligence in these shows, Bethenny Frankel, got her own (well-deserved) spin-off TV show on Bravo. I enjoy watching her wittily fuss about her new baby, hubby, business, in-laws, etc, but it certainly isn't as much fun as listening to her dish about the other New York Housewives in her very honest, snarky, funny, acerbic, barbed fashion. And the fights! The Bethenny vs Kelly bouts were almost as good as Teresa turning over tables in posh restaurants. Any chance of a rematch between you girls? Your fans demand it!

Will Kelly guest star on Bethenny's show, maybe do a bunny-boiler routine? Not a stretch at all, and it's certainly better than Kelly pretending to be a reporter; Brenda Starr on crack. (And we can all do without more of THAT, please.) Yall need to jazz this stuff up, or I'ma quit watching.

Teresa raised the bar and now we want housewives attacking each other. And what's next? "Housewife snuff"?*

The ratings would go through the roof.



*I am suddenly reminded of the amusing short story "The National Pastime" by Norman Spinrad. Can't find a link.